Disobedience

"The tradition of Lent- a forty day sacrifice- is one way of mourning the death that sin has caused in our lives."

Reading about Adam and Eve's expulsion from the garden is difficult. We see God's amazing love for us- that He provided us with companionship and unlimited life. And how do we thank Him? By disobeying His one command. Because we think we deserve to be like Him. I find that my own struggles with sin and separation from God almost always stem from my search for control. Every time I try to take the reigns and make things happen in my life, I end up feeling completely helpless and alone. Pretty much the opposite result of what I was looking for.

So God does punish us for being headstrong and disobedient, but He also demonstrates His undeniable love and forgiveness when he makes Adam and Eve clothing before they go. Yes, He sent them into a barren wasteland, but He did not send them unprepared.

I can't help but feel I'm in my own barren wasteland. Not that Disneyland is torture- in fact I'm cautiously optimistic about my future. But I do feel like I haven't included God in all my decision making lately, and consequently I'm suffering due to the separation.

This time of sacrifice and struggle has been essential in my habit building and journey to complete reliance on God. Genesis 3 is a great chapter to read whenever I start to get too big for my britches. Which is often.

Friends in Faith

Would Jesus want to hang out with me? If I invited Him over for dinner, would He come?

It says in Mark 2 that Jesus came for the sinners- not the righteous. I know I have felt judged for who I keep company with. That I've dated non Christians. That some of my best friends refuse to go to church with me. But I love them anyway.

Then again, I also don't minister to them.

I get so nervous to offend. I don't want to make our friendship uncomfortable by pushing my faith on them. Jesus never feared backlash. He showed God's love to everyone he met, but he also did not hesitate to speak the truth. He said the hard things and people did not always respond well. Clearly.

I guess I'm just so scared of losing relationships over my faith. Of pushing people away. And it all comes down to a lack of trust in God. His plan is so much bigger than mine. And it's not my job to convert everyone I meet. God will open their hears- not me. But it is my job to be honest and open with my friends and family. To sit with my fellow sinners and never stop speaking of God's love and forgiveness.

Heal the World - or just my broken heart

I know what you're all thinking. 2 posts in one day?! This is madness!

To be fair, I actually wrote first one yesterday, I just didn't get around to posting it until this morning. But now I have done my devotional, and I have some things to say, darn it! So read if you dare.

My reading for today was Mark 1, and good grief is there a lot of information in there or what! Let's start with Jesus' 40 days of temptation in the desert, because it's pretty directly applicable to what we're doing right now. Well, to an extent. What kinds of struggles did He face? It's hard for me to imagine Jesus being tempted by any sin, but then again, isn't that at the crux of being human? We tend to brush over things that we consider to be small sins. Like, I'm tired tonight, God won't mind if I skip my devotional. Or justifying being rude to our parents, because after all, weren't they being overbearing and annoying anyway? What about legitimizing telling those little white lies. They'll never know and it makes your life soooo much easier. But sin is evil in God's eyes - It doesn't matter how you interpret it. I just hope to end these 40 days of temptation proclaiming the Good News just as Jesus did.

We then move on to the recruiting stage, where Jesus finds His first disciples. It says James and John left their father and other hired men in the fishing boat to follow Christ. So not only did they abandon their job, but they also left these other men - their own father - high and dry. Could we do that? How would we be viewed if we left work without notice to follow a spiritual leader? I mean, these actions impact other lives. I know I'd be fired on the spot. But isn't the point that we should all be willing to do that? To trust Christ so deeply that abandoning what we know isn't even a question?

This chapter focuses a lot on healing - a great way to start out my Lenten season. This move has been difficult. Yes, I'm back home, I'm doing the job I wanted to do, I'm with people I love- but I miss Orlando terribly. I had a life there. I left wonderful people behind. I have an enormous hole that is begging to be filled. And so it's comforting to read about how Jesus heals any ailment that is brought to Him. It shows me that He can fill this emptiness that plagues me. I don't want to feel regret or sorrow for Orlando. I want to be joyful about what I had there, and optimistic about what the future holds. And if Jesus can cure leprosy and demon possession, he can certainly fix a bout of homesickness, right?

Until next time!

Day 1

Another Ash Wednesday has come and gone. It feels like just yesterday that I was vowing to stay off Facebook for the next 40 days. But here we are, a year later and a new Lenten season has begun.

This year I will not be Facebook free (considering it's one of the main ways I pick up shifts, it would be fiscally irresponsible to abandon it). I could tell you about what I'm giving up this year- but instead I want to discuss the true purpose of Lent. It is not, in fact, a great excuse for a diet. It is a chance for us to acknowledge our sins and struggles, and seek repentance in preparation for Jesus' ultimate sacrifice. It's a time to refocus our priorities and get them centered on Christ. Whenever we have a desire to partake in our chosen sacrifice, instead we turn to God. We pray, or journal. Perhaps we do a devotional and use our learning to continue our quest to holiness. Hopefully after 40 days we have dropped our dirty habit or distraction, and made time with God and reliance on His sovereignty a daily activity.

So yes, my sacrifice is unimportant. It's between me and my Lord. It will certainly require a lot of help, and I expect I will be faced with many temptations along the way. But I am thrilled to take the time to develop a deeper and stronger relationship with my best friend and savior.

I hope that if you have chosen to partake in Lent, that you have an enlightening and inspirational 40 days. And if you are not joining us, please, give us your support! We all will need it.

Good bless- only 40 days (plus Sundays) until we celebrate our God's undying love for us. Can't wait!

Mambo Italiano

First of all, I love this Rosemary Clooney Pandora station more than I love most things.

Now to the meat and potatoes of things:

not that I eat meat anymore.

I start work tomorrow (at Starbucks) and then I have Traditions on Friday. I'm unbelievably excited to get my nose back to the grindstone. Did I just say that? I'm EXCITED for work? I guess there is such thing as too much vacation.

I think it has a lot to do with my need to keep busy so I don't think about how much I miss Orlando. Well, not Orlando the city specifically, because quite frankly I happily washed my hands of that place. No, I miss my people. My family. Yes I still talk to them constantly, but I miss their hugs and their laughs and the comfort they provided me.

Don't get me wrong- I have that here as well. Friday night dress up with Macey was the frivolous activity that I've been craving. But I still feel like a part of me is missing. You think I'd be used to it by now, considering how many random adventures I've been on. But no, I just keep adding to my list of people I miss dearly.

So moral of this story, I'm looking forward to having work to distract myself and also offer an avenue to make more friends. That way maybe I won't resort to watching the Super Bowl by myself. And I don't even like football.